Yes, Christmas carols are probably ringing through your head now. It's finally Christmas, and I'm disappointed, because I'm ill.
Yes, yours truly is ill, on Christmas day, one day before I officially turn 18 to boot.
After one Actifed tablet, + 1h 45mins of SIMS2-ing, I am officially drowsy. Plus having a mild fever isn't making it better *sniffs, trying to maintain the floodgates*
I refuse to feel miserable, although I'm already feeling that way. Fevers and headaches always seem to have a way to make me (I have no idea about you) miserable and restless.
Charmaine, I got your Christmas card today. THANKS! Nice message, by the way =). Yours is the MOST personalised Christmas card I have ever received in my entire life. This coming from someone I've only bumped ONCE at a certain choir concert is really, really touching. Thanks =) Well, our 2nd anniversary coming right up. In about 24 hours. Heh.
And thank you to shu hui for being the first to wish my "Merry Christmas". Same applies to Ziting for the "Merry Christmas Eve's eve". And from the bottom of my heart (not from the heart of my bottom =P), thank you to Elaine, Shu Hui, Ching Huey, Ziting, JX, Sarah (Lim, and you don't even read this) for the Christmas cards. TO think I didn't send a single one out this year. Well I was thinking of it, until I realised, I didn't really have anything to say. SO it'd be one of those meaningless cards people receive, which I really don't wanna do. If I miss anyone out, I blame it on my drowsiness (lame excuse, I know). My apologies if I did forget someone.
I am no longer as broke as I were 24 hours ago. Because I've gotten my reimbursment from my mother, after the $29++ (on goggles) and $6 (on something too personal to mention). All swimming apparel. $40 (plus bowling money) cash on hand (my English is getting from bad to worse, I BLAME MY DROWSINESS!!) makes me feel... slightly richer. Will return YOUr $50 soon =) If my mum were to read this, she would disapprove. Haha. Plus, I don't have a habit of borrowing cash, at least not till I'm broke and desperately need cash.
YOU know, I am actually intrigued and curious about what YOUr friends said about me. Hmmm... and the part about people my age changing their mentality after time. Interesting. True, but still interesting. Yes, like I said, I'm a slow thinker, I need time to sit on things and think through them before coming up with something acceptable.
One thing I do acknowledge, is that people my age generally don't even know what they're doing and what they want to do. What then happens is that they basically go with the flow. Wait till things hit them flat out in the face before they actually react. After they had time to realise the consequences of "going with the flow", they find out "Hey! I wanna do something else. I regret my choice now, and I think differently about this-and-this.". One reason for the changing mentality.
Another reason. Youth. Yes, youth. Youths are generally naive, immature, childish (some, although some adults refuse to grow up). Lacking in a sense of direction (which is basically what the previous paragraph is all about), and refusing to heed the advice of their parents (which I myself is guilty of, mainly because my parents don't know a thing when it comes to my train of thoughts and most of the time, they can't be bothered), they do the wrong times so easily. Too easily in fact. Of course after a few knocks and bumps, they realise the folly of their ways and change. Yup, they (hopefully) grow up, mature and probably form a more sensible way of thinking. Not to forget, with age of their side (I'm talking as if I'm some 60 year old granny complaining about her grandkids, hahaha), they do think that they have the time and should "live life to the fullest". Of course, that's not to say adults don't do that, but the youths' perception of the same phrase could be different. I don't know. I think differently, that's why I don't relate well to people my own age *shrugs*.
SO yes, I do understand how people view me, because I am 18, and they see me as an 18 year old who probably will be unable to match up to the intellectual ability, level of maturity (etc etc) of adults.
What people don't realise is that different children grow up after different circumstances. Some people grow up in an environment likened to a candy-filled world, where everything is taken care of and is perfect, right down to a T. Others grow up in torturous circumstances, like families where parents struggle to bring home the bacon, or children living in abusive environments. Not everyone will be the same.
Personally, I would say compared to some people, I had a good childhood. But I didn't have your normal sense of childhood I reckon.
My childhood ended prematurely at the age of 9, when a white Honda Civic decided to send me flying in April '96. Before that, I had my share of erm... a "childhood". The whole "only girl hanging out with the guys with an abusive elder brother who would knock her head against the wall and be bullied into doing everything the elder brother wanted" thing. Childhood? I reckon so. Not so fairytale-like though.
Before the accident, let me assure you my life wasn't a bed of roses. It was tough, being caned for doing badly in school, being punched and kicked by your elder sibling, being pinched by the maid employed by your working parents to care for you and then running to your mother asking her why she couldn't just stay at home just everyone else's mothers. Being caned by tutors for being late even though you didn't mean to be late.
Most people will probably never understand how it feels like being hit by a car. But it was a surreal experience. Probably humbling, but of course, a 9 year old wouldn't exactly know what that is. I don't remember the feeling of being hit, but I remember the sense of shock as you lay flat on the road side, not knowing what to do, before picking yourself up and walking off the road. I remember the pain of having the nurse press your head against the x-ray board to get your head x-rayed to check for internal bleeding. I remember screaming in pain whenever I had to get the wound cleaned. I remember the look of disgust on so many people's faces (including my family's) when I remained disfigured. I remember crying myself to sleep 'cause I couldn't take the pain. Funny how something that occurred in a split second can leave behind so many painful memories. But that was probably the defining moment in my life.
From then on, I stopped taking school buses and switched to public transport. Responsibilities were gradually added on from then, and they mounted. "Don't lose the house keys, don't take the wrong bus, be in school on time, do your homework" I guess it was strange that I relished getting these responsibilities. And I still have this affinity towards responsibility.
Mentality wise, I'm not sure when I did the growing up (and some adults probably doubt that I even grew up, given my age). I've always been able to think for myself since I entered secondary school. Don't know why, don't know how. Something that really happened all by itself. I started reading the news all by myself w/o prompting in primary school, in secondary school I started my disturbing routine of reading the news from at least 4 different news sources on a daily basis which I have since stopped because some of these sources decided to go pay-to-read. I guess when it comes to true maturity, it really depends on the coming of age of that person. Mine probably came prematurely. Haha. Probably explains why I became one of the most outspoken students in GP class. Coming of age, hmm.. but who's to say that an 18 year old wouldn't have experienced that?
I know I can't speak for all 18 year olds. I don't really want to anyway. But I guess it was quite a shock for me to have people doubt my mentality (with regards to its stability). I know how to think, because I've been doing that , for myself, for over 6 years. I know how to think of the consequences. I know how to think for the future. I know what I have to do to pursue my dreams. And I like to think that if my mentality changes, it will be for the better because I would have grown as a person. But my principles cannot change, the day that happens, I wouldn't be the person I am today. The reason why I became the prick I am today is mainly due to the principles I chose to adopt. Some unspoken code of conduct I make myself follow. So I won't say that my mentality is guaranteed to remain constant for the remainder of my life, because face it, even as adults, mentalities do change.
I take heart with the issue because people who don't know me have decided to judge me. They didn't even choose to judge me based on their first impressions of me (because they have never met me). They chose to judge me based on my age. For that, I feel indignant, wronged, insulted and upset. Seriously, if you were a 35 year old, how would you feel if a complete stranger walked up to you and told you you were going through a mid-life crisis? Talk to anyone who knows me, even my ex-schoolmates with whom I am not even chummy with, and I can assure you, even they have problems denying that for an 18 year old, I have serious problems acting like one.
I'm a 3rd year student in what is probably the largest autonomous university in Singapore majoring in a Science-related subject (well it sorta IS SCIENCE). I'm known to be introverted, sarcastic (at times), funny when I rant (which isn't a good thing lol) and somewhat of a loner. I miss LA and would move there in a heartbeat :(
