I haven't been happy in really long, be it in my personal life or studies. Sigh.

And then today as I was looking through my LA photos, it struck me that I was actually really happy while I was there. It's strange how 6 weeks in a new and foreign environment can mean so much more than 20 years in a rut of a country. Well, not really. But thing is, I was happy there and I'm not here, and I haven't been happy, as in unequivocally happy, unreservedly happy, just plain happy, genuinely happy, in Singapore, in a really long time.

Maybe it's a sign that I won't find true happiness in the country I'm born and raised in, that I was meant to do something so much bigger elsewhere.

Here I see cracks beginning to become increasingly obvious in almost every part of my daily life. My studies. My relationship (in a non-existential sorta manner).

It's not the monotony that eats away the happiness, but something greater. The social institution, the people, etc.

I'm lost so I ask this of people living in Singapore who read this, are you happy in Singapore? If so, what defines your happiness? 'Cause I'm not.

I may not necessarily be in one of my self-questioning moments where I ponder on why am I here but I couldn't help but wonder, would I have done so much better if I had the chance to grow as a person, as in individual, in a completely different environment.