I keep doing things to freak myself out, I don't know why, some destructive mechanism, maybe?
Still worried over the lumps (wouldn't you?) Seriously hoping they go away, or that IF I need surgery, at least let me know ASAP. Sigh. Antibiotics to last 3 more days. Now it's a wait-and-see game, hate it when I have to do that. You have this feeling that anything (I do mean ANYTHING) can go wrong. I'm feeling that way now, although a little more settled in and calm as compared to last night when I went all weepy-eyed, sorry for myself, panicking for my exams, all on one online contact of mine. Poor fella. No.. it is NOT PMS, it was me being irrational and fearful. I actually think I would feel much better if I just had to go under the knife, at least I know the things are out of me lol.
I guess overall, my online experiences have all been quite benign (if it's a tumour, I'm hoping it's benign!! There I go again...). I'm either extremely lucky, or just cautious, very, very cautious. I'm still close to Molly, who I met in a strange way back in 2000, although university life seems to occupy her now (she's my age, and in university, what am I doing here?). Most other people, I lose contact with, but I've never actually met someone who's creepy. I notice how my contacts list has morphed over the years, it used to be 80% Americans/Brits and now it's 80% Singaporeans. Lol. NO, I am not falling in love with Singapore, don't think I will unless something drastic happens. The funny thing is how I grew out of the foreigners phase and the slob grew into it. Talk about sloooow development =P But back to what I wanted to say, I guess I'm lucky in a sense that I have online contacts who are ready to counsel me (lol, yes! Counsel!) and comfort me when I'm feeling down. To me, it feels better pouring out your troubles to someone who doesn't really know you because they're not about to treat you like some psycho the next time you see each other (because you don't see each other). Once you make that leap of faith from online friend to actual friend, it becomes harder to confide in that person, I think. I mean, I've done that thrice (the first one was a complete failure, not that it was anyone's fault. The 2nd one is still working out fine.. and the 3rd with satisfactory results). So far.. Out of the 3, I reckon I can only confide in the 2nd one (OLD MAN!! Haha, thankfully you don't read this.. I THINK =S ), mainly 'cause we don't see each other much.
Onto other stuff. I'm amazed now, I've been eating 2 bars of chocolates, a quarter of a watermelon and an entire kiwi per day on top of my daily lunch and dinner and I still managed to lose weight. Not exactly lose, but maintain, but it's an overall loss of 1kg. So now.. I'm 42 kg. How does one eat so much and not gain weight ??? o.O Not that I'm trying to gain weight, but you know.. chocolates..comfort food, just what I need? Lol, and I eat so much of them. I used to only eat lunch and dinner and you would see my weight fluctating (example? 43 to 44 to 45... then down to 44.. to 43 and back up again. You get the idea). Now, despite eating so much, it doesn't budge. Lol. Maybe I shouldn't concentrate on losing weight (I lose weight w/o consciously dieting..strange.. 'cause when I do diet, I GAIN!), I should concentrate on gaining HEIGHT!! Yea, like that's possible, I stopped growing taller in primary school. Oh well...I guess 1cm in 4 years isn't bad? Lol.
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I'm a 3rd year student in what is probably the largest autonomous university in Singapore majoring in a Science-related subject (well it sorta IS SCIENCE). I'm known to be introverted, sarcastic (at times), funny when I rant (which isn't a good thing lol) and somewhat of a loner. I miss LA and would move there in a heartbeat :(
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