This entry shall mark the end of the 2005 June Common Tests saga lol.
Today, we checked out JCT results, needless to say, i am both happy and disappointed over my performance in the recently concluded JCTs. Here's what I got :
Somehow, i wish i had done better for econs and maths, because it was possible. Chem, i am grateful to even pass, bio... i was just surprised.
Bio was my boon in the jct. For the first time this year, i passed bio, and thank god it was during the jcts. What shocked me later was the revelation that only 4 people in the cohort managed As as well (meaning 64 and above) and the highest mark was incidentally... 67... but of course, after the tutor's decision to accept certain answers (thats how i moved from a 66 to a 67), the highest mark could now be 68, 69 or maybe even 70? But nonetheless, i am pleased with my performance for bio. I hope this continues until the A Levels, i need it
Maths.. i need to start practicing, if i did, i would have done so much better (i went into the exam hall with virtually ZERO practice lol). Econs.. i need to start managing my time a lot better, and stop freaking out and choosing the wrong essay questions. Chem.. i just need to study better and get my nerves together. My pitfalls for the exams, i hope i can overcome them just in time for the A levels
The application to UK universities has somewhat begun. This year, it will be electronic through ucasapply. An application fee of $50 will be charged (ouch). Well, so far, i am still considering Manchester, Liverpool, and Leeds as my main choices. Wonder if i'll get it, wonder if i'll even make myself go through the application process. But i know i want this, badly. I just have to leave Singapore before i drown in her. Kinda makes me wonder why i hate this place so much. Is it the goverment? My family? The people i had the "luck" of meeting in school? Or is it just really me? That a person like me can never adapt to a place like this? The thought of throwing everything behind to live in a strange, new world for the next 3-6 (if i further my studies abroad as well) years is daunting. Will i adapt or will i be shunned as if i were the plague like i am here? Somehow, i feel a new beginning will do me good, wipe off all the nightmares i've experienced here and possibly conjure and build some beautiful memories and dreams. I hope.
For the past 2 weeks, i've had on and off conversations about the class dynamics with a particular classmate (for those of you who think you know how it is, do NOT go around spreading this). I was a lil surprised (not shocked) to find out that certain classmates have been badmouthing me over certain things that's really within their control, not mine. Of course, i know i'm not the friendliest person around, nor am i the most sociable. I am known for having a relatively sharp tongue, and despite being a feminist, i havent exactly made enemies out of my male classmates (with the exception of maybe a couple). I know even within my so-called "clique", i am the outsider, having no link to that particular group of people what-so-ever. I'm just this floating piece of junk without a place. And for those of you who actually remember the "bimbo" incident, it turns out that the other party went around the class, telling virtually the whole world about it. Sheesh. Not that i'm impressed, i would have been more impressed had she had the guts to come up to me directly, rather than choose to hide behind her entourage of friends before coming out into the open. But never mind, i shan't brood over that particular incident, because that is, after all, something trivial. It kinda makes you wonder, being females (obviously, i am referring to the girls in the class), why do we often put others down without even thinking? I'm not saying i'm immune to this, because i do this, especially when i'm offended. But i guess what really separates the females from the males would be the way they handle it. I'm not sure how guys deal with this kinda stuff, but females like the entire WORLD to know, and expect the WORLD to DEFEND them. Shocking, a little pathetic if you asked me. Sure, support is nice, but isn't a couple of close friends enough? Why announce it to the world? To save their energy, we might as well offer to pay for them to put up a 1-page ad on the papers about who did what to them and how "sad", "upset" and "angry" they are. Personally, i rant, here as well as on MSN. My MSN contact list may be relatively large (im approaching the limit), but i select who i confide in, i don't just tell any Tom, Dick or Harry. I rant here and my well... following isn't strong (who the hell would read this? Gimme a shout out if you're even here lol). On MSN, i mainly talk to only 2 people. That's it. The others are busy.. with their own lives. Plus when it comes to situations like this, i'd rather defend myself, than allow others to do it for me, i'd rather the "others" just support me from behind, support my actions and my notions, that's enough.
I have to admit, with regards to the earlier mentioned incident, although theoretically, i have a somewhat clean slate with the other party, i still feel a certain level of animosity towards her. Can't quite help it. Never met anyone quite like that, and i dont think i'll ever bond with someone like that. Such an association would be too...superficial for me. When i found out about her "little announcement", i couldnt help but feel disgusted. Disgusted, that sounds extreme, but that's how i felt. Had a mini-incident with her again this week, and i was there thinking "i deserve better, i don't need to take this crap from you". It seems we are all intolerant of something. I'm intolerant of those who are "superficial" (not in that exact meaning, but i can't find a word to put it across effectively). Many are intolerant of the intelligent and hardworking (well, in my class, students who top the class get a lot of flak, from what i understand). Others are simply intolerant of the different. Coming to class day after day is becoming more of a drag. My only consolation would be that this would be over in 4 months. 4 months, if i had it past 1 year and 7 months, i can do it for another 4 more months. 4 more months of being made to feel alien, unwanted, ostracised, i have to make it through all that. Thinking about that makes me miss my first 3 months class of 2004. Things were so much better then. Cliques were stronger, more united and more connected (on a deeper level). Not only that, the class, generally speaking, was more united. There were times when i disliked it, but as compared to what i have now, the one before was definitely better. Still miss the people i hung out with in school then. Going home everyday with Natasha, chatting with Mona and Sijia (she was my first new friend in tj, i remember that). When i think of what was and what is now, i kinda have this really extremist view that the 2nd intakers ruined the class dyamics. Of course, as i've said, it's extremist, so it's well, wrong. But when you have something that you somewhat cherish being replaced by something that degrades the very entity you seek to preserve, wouldnt you share that sentiment?*shrugs* My apologies to any 2nd intaker from the class reading it (i know of one who knows this blog), it was not directed at any of you on a personal level.
Anyhow, things like this happen all the time. People enter, they leave. People can't see eye-to-eye, they backstab. Vicious cycle of human nature. Anyway, im gonna stop now, this is getting REALLY long, cya
I'm a 3rd year student in what is probably the largest autonomous university in Singapore majoring in a Science-related subject (well it sorta IS SCIENCE). I'm known to be introverted, sarcastic (at times), funny when I rant (which isn't a good thing lol) and somewhat of a loner. I miss LA and would move there in a heartbeat :(
