Hey, just thought I'd apologise for the outburst last night. I admit the whole issue had been bothering me for quite some time.
Like I said, when I was asked, it was put across as "the thing has been decided and you're expected to go. Ok?" For that, I felt as if no one had consulted whether I was ready to go ahead with it, or if I wanted to go ahead with it. And that mattered was how YOU and YOUr family thought. And obviously what I thought would be nowhere in the equation. And so, the more I sat on it and thought about it, the more dreadful the whole thing became. I was like a wounded animal stuck in a trap with no place to go.
And then last night YOU offered to cancel the whole thing. And I found myself more trapped than ever. Allow you to cancel it and face the wrath of YOUr family and be deemed as a coward or as being insincere or childish/disrespectful? Go ahead with it because I had apparently already given you my word and there really isn't any way I could back out of it? Both ways, I lose. The sad state of affairs already dictate that I end up the loser either way the situation played itself out. So why not just lose all the way and go for it? Plus, I don't really make it a point to go back on my words, and since I had already given it (although I felt cheated when YOU finally revealed it was just an invitation as opposed to the "everything is settled, all you need to do is go" in the beginning).
YOU said it's not about pressure. But YOU should know that it's all about pressure, especially when you're on the receiving end of it. Tell me YOU*felt perfectly fine, jolly, gay and happy when YOU met my parents. YOU obviously cannot do so because you were extremely nervous, to the extent even my mum could see through it. So again, it's not about pressure? To YOU, yes. To me? No.
And in your words, YOU said I was "being upset over nothing". So YOU thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Making a storm in a teacup. What was that? An implication that I'm childish? When I heard that, all I wanted to say was "Fine! I'll prove YOU right that I'm childish! I'm not going!" Me being made to feel obliged and forced to do something I am not ready for is insignificant?
The whole point is that I wasn't out to look for a solution, because there wasn't any. I wasn't out to get YOUr empathy. All I wanted was some reassurance and understanding. And instead I got "you're being upset over nothing". That's why I got more upset than I started out last night.
After YOUr explanation earlier on, I guess I'm not as offended over the "upset over nothing" part. And my source of reassurance came from the unlikeliest source. Food. Ice cream + chocolates did it. Next time, I'll not talk to anyone and stuff myself with chocolates. Expensive, but strangely effective. Hehe. Anyway, sorry for the whole thing.
I'm a 3rd year student in what is probably the largest autonomous university in Singapore majoring in a Science-related subject (well it sorta IS SCIENCE). I'm known to be introverted, sarcastic (at times), funny when I rant (which isn't a good thing lol) and somewhat of a loner. I miss LA and would move there in a heartbeat :(
